1. Someone knows you by name, and knows the deepest parts of your heart - because He created you.
2. Even though you & I have rebelled against Him so many times, He still pursues me, and I know He's pursuing you.
3. He showed us how much He wants a relationship with us by sending Jesus, his son, to die for all the things we've done that prevent us from having a relationship with our Creator.
4. You will only find love and happiness when you surrender your life completely to this loving God. Your life will transformed. Mine was - ask me about it. :)
5. God's pursuing you with His love.
In my last post, I left off at how despite all my primary-school immaturity, I intuitively sensed that attraction was different from love. Don't we usually find it more comfortable to say "I like X" instead of "I love X" when admitting to a crush? Haha. "Love" almost seems too 'serious', too weighty a proclamation to make.
But what exactly about love makes it distinct from 'attraction'?
I want to propose that a key difference is: Love is a choice. Attraction can just be a feeling.
Love is a choice (about how I'm gonna relate to someone).When I say I've chosen to love someone, the test I usually use (shamelessly plagiarized from 1 Cor 13) is: Do I choose to be patient with them? I might not feel particularly patient that day, but I have that choice to make.
Do I choose to be kind to them, in my words & actions? Do I choose not to envy, boast, or be proud? Do I choose not to be rude, not to be easily angered, not to keep a record of wrongs? Do I choose to protect and trust them?
Most of all, do I choose to seek their interests over mine and always act in their best interests? I won't always feel like doing that, but I can always choose to... often depending on copious amounts of God's grace. :)
At this point, I must add that love is not as mechanical as my 'checklist' makes it out to be, haha. Jesus says to "love the Lord your God with all your heart ♥ and with all your soul and with all your mind" - so emotions are very much a part of love too :)
When we confuse love with attraction & relationship, we love less than we should.
Being able to separate 'love', 'attraction' and 'relationship' has led me to form 2 conclusions that I could not, in the past:
- I can love someone who I am not attracted to, and who I have no intention of being 'in a relationship' with.
- I can be attracted to someone, and even be in a relationship with them, and still not be loving them.
Those were reasonable 'boundaries' that I set for a stage where we were all immature; where showing care & concern could easily send wrong signals and lead someone on. But a very wise friend of mine says that "Boundaries are needed insofar as people are immature. The ultimate goal is actually 'total freedom'. But you cannot give immature people total freedom." I like that :) It's like how parents must give kids hard-and-fast rules, but only up to a point where they are mature enough to understand principles & make their own decisions by principles instead of rules. So we teach young people to set boundaries in love when they're still immature (= can't separate 'love', 'attraction' and 'relationship'), but actually the ultimate goal is to teach them to make their own BGR decisions with just wise principles to guide them.
More & more, I'm seeing that with my guy friends who are able to separate the 3, I can be unafraid to love - to show care, concern and in general be nice to them instead of being on my guard - and YET we can both be clear that there is no attraction & we are not moving towards a relationship. In the past it was kinda impossible. I was at risk of having a crush on any guy who was particularly nice to me, and vice-versa. But as people mature spiritually, become secure in their identity in Christ, and crave human approval less, our ability to love rightly also expands and we can now actually manage to love each other without it being confused with attraction/romantic relationships.
My ability to receive love rightly has also expanded, recently :) I used to be SUPER WARY when guy friends said nice things to me, gave me gifts or went out of their way to do things for me. I would get all uncomfortable & suspicious of their motives. (Or, I would go the other extreme and fall for them.) I guess all these were marks of immaturity, where to me showing me love = attraction = let's look toward a relationship. Haha. But now, where the guy is mature (important condition!), I can actually freely receive his love & freely give love too, without always worrying that he has secret romantic intentions. And if he has, we can always talk about it.
Of course - and I want to emphasize this lest you think I'm saying we can do whatever we want in the name of love - love must still be tempered with wisdom. :) Love is not self-seeking & only seeks after the best interests of others. To know what is best requires wisdom. "Love without wisdom is dangerous - for others and for yourself." Again, a statement by my Wise Friend :>
Those 2 Conclusions have led me to love more, because now I don't have to always be afraid to love. Now I am also not tricked into believing that just because I am 'attracted' to or 'in a relationship (can even be a mother-daughter, brother-sister, or friend-friend r/s)' with someone = I am necessarily loving them. The 1 Cor 13 checklist revealed to me that in some of my relationships/friendships where I *thought* I had been loving, I actually hadn't (which I talked about before here), and I now can begin making a conscious choice to love.Lastly,
Love is a one-sided choice.
Unlike relationship, where it has to be 2 people both making a reciprocal choice to be in relationship to one another, love is something you unilaterally decide whether or not you want to do.
So, I can love someone even if the person doesn't love me back, and even if there is no relationship between us. My decision to love doesn't depend on whether the other person makes a similar decision. Of course, it can be easier to love when the other person reciprocates... but love doesn't seek to be appreciated. It just gives, whether or not it's acknowledged or returned.
I guess this is why God uses love to represent himself. :)
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8
Attraction.
I risk a guess to say that of the 3 BGR-related things, attraction is the first one that most of us experience personally. At least, it was for me. :)In P3, I transferred from St. Marg's to a mixed primary school... and proceeded to have the first crush that I can remember. Haha. I also did the most ridiculous things. Like a rogue ringleader transplanted into a fresh field of people to influence, I decreed to some friends in my class that every Thursday would be "Lovers' Day". On this weekly occasion, my classmates had to pair up with their crush when we formed 2 lines after recess, and in this way we celebrated the epitome of 'love', a crush, in our little Primary-3 way ;)
For the better part of my primary school years, 'attraction', 'love', and 'marriage'/'a real relationship' were interchangeable concepts. Anyone you had a crush on was someone you could say you 'loved', and that person was the one you daydreamed of marrying in a fairytale wedding someday.
I pause here to say that it's *only* because it's 10 years on, and *only* because I recently garnered the courage to tell my mom all this in person, that it finally feels safe to let out my embarrassing primary school escapades here. :p
So when I was 10, I really liked a boy. Not the same guy as my "Lovers' Day" crush - of course not since we changed classes, right ;) Let's call this boy W. My fondest memory was sitting beside him on the piano bench in the main hallway, watching him play nice pieces & learning some from him too. Then P5 came, we were in different classes, and I again found some other guy to like. Haha. Fast-foward to P6: W and I we were back in the same class :) Through some drama we found out that we liked each other, again. It was sweet. We found excuses to talk & study together & be close, and I honestly thought I would marry him. I felt so mature. :p
All my mistakes and 'false maturity' aside though, I did do 1 or 2 things right in that 'semi-relationship':
- I remember one particular MSN conversation we had, where at a rather intense point in the conversation, he told me 'I love you'. At that point, I struggled hard with what to say next. It was strange to not return the affection, but something in me just knew that I couldn't say it back. (On hindsight, that hesitation was pretty amazing, considering all the Disney and Hollywood messages I'd internalized...!) I can't remember what I eventually said, but I do remember changing my MSN status (how discreet :p) to a hoping-to-be-mysterious-yet-honest phrase: "love is too strong a word."
I think that was the point where I sensed - even if I didn't quite understand - that there was a distinct difference between attraction and love. I was very attracted to him, but I knew that I didn't 'love' him, somehow. And I'm thankful :) - I chose not to pursue a relationship. It was Sec1 where I explicitly asked W if we could "just be friends" and get out of the 'grey area' of a half-relationship. I still liked him for a while (for v-day in 2005/6 I mailed him a letter and tried to include 2 Hershey's kisses in the envelope... he told me they got squashed in the post) and did feel some kind of 'attachment' to him, but otherwise it fizzled off into sporadically reading his blog to find out how he was doing. I won't deny there was still attraction, concern (when he started picking up bad influences) & envy (when he moved on to other r/ships) for a while, but I'm grateful that now we're friends enough for me to look back at what happened without bitterness or longing, and to hear about his current relationship (with his beautiful girlfriend!) without any hint of envy or attachment.
I thank God that even while fumbling through all of it, I was protected from greater messes & mistakes by the ability to see 'attraction' as different from 'love', and to split apart 'attraction' from needing to lead to a romantic relationship. (Attraction was inevitable then, but relationship at that point would not have been wise!)
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I was planning to write a section each on 'Attraction', 'Love' and 'Marriage/Possession'... but looks like there's more to say for Attraction alone than I thought!
I'll split this up into 3 posts, then... watch for more (hopefully less embarrassing but equally honest) parts to come. :)
Beauty is essential to God. No - that's not putting it strongly enough. Beauty is the essence of God.-- Captivating, John & Stasi Eldredge
The first way we know this is through nature, the world God has given us. Scripture says that the created world is filled with the glory of God (Isa. 6:3). In what way? Primarily through its beauty. [...] Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. Stop for a moment and let that sink in. We're so used to evaluating everything (and everyone) by their usefulness that this thought will take a minute or two to begin to dawn on us. Nature is not primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. Which is to say, beauty is in and of itself a great and glorious good, something we need in large and daily doses (for our God has seen fit to arrange for this). Nature at the height of its glory shouts, Beauty is Essential! revealing that Beauty is the essence of God. The whole world is full of his glory.
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People are not primarily functional. People are primarily beautiful.
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I am not primarily functional. I am primarily beautiful.
if Love were a man, He would be God, since only a God could lower himself to a level such as ours. not for anything He could gain but for all that He could give away.
and yet,
if love were a God, he would come as man, to rescue those in brokenness and grief, in need of mercy, grace, relief. He would die a human death, an inhumane death to pay the ransom for our squandered freedom.
love is God
Who came as Man
to pay the cost
when all was lost
so that we may find
even if we take the longest time,
that the greatest love we seek
is already given to us
His name is Jesus.
- Hannah Chia
That truth suddenly struck me as I had breakfast this morning. I think it sums up so concisely - in 6 words! - what I've been learning these few weeks, and answers a question I've been asking for a few years ("what is expected of me as a 'friend'?"). I think it's to love at all times.
On another note, this morning I was reading Gloria's blog... it encouraged me so much. She spurs me on so much, I love it. I love how honest her thoughts are, how everything comes down to a singleminded love and dependence on a big God. Loved some musings she penned - so well-written that they rouse my mind and resonate in my heart.
"Thankful that I don't run this race alone, and yet am completely convicted that
though none go with me, still I will follow."
^love this.
Love raving about her ;)
Love her for being her.
http://wavethatmagic-wand.blogspot.com/
"Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs–he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes according to the rules. The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this." (2 Timothy 2:3-7 NIV84)
A singleminded soldier, enduring hardship.
An athlete running the race, holding fast to God's word.
A farmer who sows faithfully even when it's tiring & the harvest is uncertain.
Paul spams 3 analogies in 3 verses, and leaves Timothy to reflect on them.
The fight, the race, and the sowing+reaping - All 3 have a prize, all 3 need hard work.
We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Thessalonians 1:3 NIV84)
May it be, for me:
work produced by faith,
labour prompted by love,
and endurance inspired by hope - in no one less than Jesus. :)
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
A question I have to be able to answer is: What are my values in life and my doctrine?
I've been thinking about them but they aren't very well-formed yet.
Unrelatedly,
I would really love to write a song out of Psalm 130, sometime :)
This is a sort of "part 2" from the previous post, and tells the less pretty part of my life-story this past month.
While I was off visiting my elderly friends, quite honestly, one of my close friendships was falling apart at the same time... and I was largely to blame. I was snappy at this person, I didn't want to share my deeper thoughts, and I found myself getting annoyed when the person tried to give input into my life (which totally should take away any pride I had in being 'teachable'!). The worst thing was, it was one-sided -- My friend was working hard at the friendship but I resented everything, and I didn't fully understand why I was behaving like that.
One weekend after I was particularly closed-off, we talked things out. As we talked, I began to realize that maybe I just didn't value this friendship enough to commit to it :\ I knew a friendship was a commitment - not just to 'have fun together' or 'talk' but really to walk together; to open up our lives to each other for support and rebuke. My personal study of 'friendship in the Bible' had taught me what God's idea of friendship was, and when I looked at how I was acting in this friendship, I fell so far short that I didn't dare to call myself a 'friend'. I couldn't bring myself to even want to commit to friendship with this person. I just... didn't want to, as awful as that sounds. So that night, I decided to end a 5-year-long friendship with someone who arguably knows & treats me the best. I just asked if we could 'not be friends' anymore, and that was that.
All week long, what I did weighed on my mind. It seemed absurd to those I shared with - most friends gave me a "o___O you said whaaat?" response - and I asked myself time and again if I had been too extreme. But the fact stood: I didn't feel like I could bring myself to commit to a friendship, and I felt confused about how I felt.
"Dear God, I don't know whether I did right, but I submit to your correction if not."
^ So began my let's-sort-this-out journal entry two days later. And God spoke! Through Scripture, through people who arranged meetings with me out of the blue & somehow brought up the topic, and even a song, He made His message clear throughout that one week.
I had committed in my heart to love this person even though I didn't want to be friends. God, however, showed me that I had not loved this person even when we were friends. 1 Corinthians 13 was my checklist:
"Love is patient, love is kind" - I had been impatient and unkind.
"It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs" - Check, check, check, and check... I had been & done all of the 'do not's.
"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" - I failed at the two 'P's.
It was so, so humbling to find that I was unable to love even my close friend who had given so much to me. 1 Cor 13 also says "If I have not love, I am nothing." Nothing. That was sobering.
I thought I'd got love down pat. I felt like I was loving my family more, loving my friends more, and even began loving total strangers. Well, God has a way of surprising us just when we think we know it all ;) Every time I remembered the things Ps Vic prayed for me - that God would humble me & that I would grow deeper in how I loved - I expected God to teach me these things through my experiences with the poor. But, surprise, it was through this friendship where God confronted me.
Thankfully, God also has a habit of making beautiful things out of the dust :) Following this tumultuous week came a weekend of honest confession + forgiving each other, because God amazingly spoke to both of us about the same thing.
I'm still quite an awful close friend (a quick survey of people I consider 'my close friends' will tell you that), but now I know how much I need to learn to love. I want to learn to walk out love. And hopefully, the brokenness of this friendship will help me grow to become someone who loves even better.
Taking this picture cost me 2 hours of precious sleep, but it summed up my week so well. (I'm especially proud of how everything in it was quite 'organically' found lying around my room ;) ) These 4 badges have truths that I thought I 'already knew', but this week I discovered that I still have quite some way to go.
___________________________________
Everybody's favourite 1 Cor 13 passage:
1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
I used to ask myself this question every time I read it: "Why is love so central??"
I think the answer - that satisfies me now, at least - comes from here:
Because God is love.
Because God is love.
Because God is love.
I could spend a while more thinking about each of those 3 statements. :)
I was only at Hanik for a few hours in total, but in those hours Ps Vic shared on something that had been tugging at my heart - the poor. I wrote an entire post about it here because it arrested me so.
The next week when I went for Hanik, I joined them in another activity - we were sent out into the neighbourhood in pairs with a mission to stop to talk to anyone, especially the old & the poor who we often ignore. It was on this 'trip' that Rosanne & I met Aunty Kim Wah, and she shared her life with us. She became the 1st elderly person I visited regularly :)
But the person who I really want to share about is Aunty Revathi. Here's a photo of us :)
I first met Aunty Revathi one Sunday when I tried to visit Aunty Kim Wah but found she wasn't home (despite agreeing beforehand to meet at that time... this would happen again in the next few weeks). Slightly discouraged, I walked down the stairs to the void deck thinking I'd wait for her. There, I noticed this Indian lady clutching a wall.
"That cannot be normal," I thought. But when I went to her to ask if she needed help, her response was telling - "No, no. No need. You must be very busy. I don't want to disturb your busyness."
And she was right, in a way - if not for Aunty Kim Wah 'cancelling' on me, I surely wouldn't be free, caught between the events on my calendar and people to meet. I'm so thankful that I had time to stop for her.
Aunty Revathi needed help to walk around the void deck to exercise her weak legs. As we walked and talked, we began to share about our lives, and I couldn't escape from talking about the friend/lord/saviour at the center of mine :) She wanted to know who Jesus was, and I was happy to talk about him! At the end of that first meeting, one thing she said struck me: "I feel like I just met Jesus today. I feel like God sent you."
I looked forward to our weekly - sometimes more - meetings after that. She asked if she could come to church, and together with my friend & family, we managed to bring her for Easter service. Every week, she would have a new question about God. Sometimes I would bring friends over to meet her, or help her with something she needed; other times we just sat and talked about Jesus and about life.
Aunty Revathi's flying back to India in a few days, and doesn't know when (or if) she'll be back. We took the photo above when I last visited her on Sunday, after we had a great conversation:
"Hannah, can I ask you a question? What's the difference whether I'm a Hindu, or Muslim, or Christian? I can still pray to Jesus."
"Remember what I told you when we first met, Aunty Revathi? That Jesus is a king? You agreed with me that in a kingdom there can only be one king. So if many other men all claim to be king, you have a problem. Only one can be telling the truth; the others must be lying. If you find out that Jesus is the true king, then you should only worship him. The others may have powers, but they are not the king, so you shouldn't worship them because only the king deserves your worship. It's the same thing when I shared with you how Jesus is like a husband - you can only have one and love one."
(silence)
"Are you thinking of becoming a Christian, Aunty Revathi?"
"Yes, I want to convert. Can you teach me how to convert? I need to go back to India and ask my family for permission first. But then I'll be in India and I can't ask you how to convert, so you could teach me now."
I share with her that it doesn't matter what her family's opinions are because it's her personal decision. But she also shares that her family has taken such good care of her after she was widowed that she cannot simply disregard them - and I realize that's true, too.
"Let me teach you something simple you can remember: A, B, C.
'A' stands for "Admit you're a sinner". Do you know what sin is? (a good discussion ensued)
'B' stands for "Believe that Jesus was sent by God to die for you on the Cross, and he rose again. Because of that your sins are forgiven and you can be reconciled to God." Do you know what happened on the Cross? ... (another good discussion)
'C' stands for "Commit to follow Jesus." It means you give your life to him, you learn to live in his ways, and stop worshipping other gods."
I missed out some things - I don't think I touched on Repentance or Surrender, ack - but at this point I was just pretty thankful I had the chance to teach BMC last year :)
What happens in the days to come, I'm not sure. Will Aunty Revathi really be saved? How will she grow? I ask these questions not knowing if I'll get an answer.
More pressingly, what do I do now? Do I have enough heart to give my time to more Aunty Revathis and Aunty Kim Wahs although the work is slow and uncertain?
When I get to this point, the life principle of one of my heroes spurs me on.
Interviewer: Wow. Can you tell us, for people who want to touch the poor and the forgotten — where can they start?
Heidi Baker: I believe that it’s like the story of the Good Samaritan, the Lord wants each one of us to stop for the one. We’ve complicated the gospel, we’ve made it confusing and we want to just bless somebody else, or send a check but God is saying, “I want you to feel my heart, and I want you to look at one person every day, stop for them. Let my compassion touch you.” That’s what the suffering is, to feel what God feels for a suffering life, for a broken child, for somebody under a bridge. Maybe someone who is wealthy wearing beautiful clothes, they may be somebody in disguise. But God has called us to be His hands and His feet and His eyes and His mouth. So we are called to stop for the one, every one of us, everyday.
At the end of the day, when Hanik's over, when I'm not on a mission trip, and when everyday life revolves around school/holidays/school, I think the question is, "Can I make love a lifestyle?"
And I want to always be able to say "Yes, I choose to stop, even if I stop alone."
I read this post today. It was a familiar story, perhaps even a familiar perspective, but I love the writing. It made the familiar strike me anew.
I lost it.
But how?
Where could I have placed it?
Didn’t I place it in my bag before I left?
I’m pretty sure that I did so.
Maybe it’s in the drawer.
No.
Maybe it’s in some hidden recess of my bag.
No.
Maybe it’s in some hidden recess of my luggage.
No.
Maybe it’s hidden under the duvet.
No.
Oh God, don’t tell me I really left it in the café? But. They’re closed already. Right? Oh God. What time will they open tomorrow? Did I really leave it there? Surely I kept it when I was packing up to go? Right?
Maybe it’s in the drawer… no… bag… no… luggage… no… duvet… no…
Oh God. It has to be in the café. Oh why didn’t I heed that feeling within me earlier to just go in earlier for a coffee? Maybe I could have found it then, or rather, found that I had left it there since the other day. Oh stupid Jarrod.
It’s 9plus. I don’t suppose they’re still open right? I mean, they close at 7 but I did see lights on when I walked past at half past 7. Maybe they’re still closing up? 2 and a half hours after closing time? Maybe? I hope?
Nope. Closed.
Oh God… did I really leave it there? Perhaps I didn’t search my bag assiduously enough? Maybe I’ll… no. it’s really not in the room. SIGH…
Those were the thoughts going through my mind for about an hour and a half on my last night in Chiangmai after I realized, when packing, that I had misplaced my book. And it wasn’t anything special. Just a novel. It had no sentimental value whatsoever. Sure, it costs $17, but that really isn’t much. I could just buy another copy right? No biggie. Really. If one looks at it objectively.
But subjectively, to me, these thoughts didn’t quite comfort me at all. I felt horrible that night for quite a while, looking up and down, getting a little frustrated that I had lost a book. It was only when I finally gave up looking for the book and sat down to pray the Examen that it came to me how ridiculous my behavior for the past 2 hours have been. Worrying about misplacing a book that, ultimately, had no real meaning to me and that could have been easily replaced.
And then the parable of the man who overturned his entire house because he had lost one drachma came to me. And the parable of the man who left behind 99 sheep to go and look for that one lost sheep.
It then occurred to me that if a book which, objectively, meant nothing to me could cause me to go to such lengths to try and find it, what more when I do lose something that really matters to me?
What if it was something that had real sentimental value?
What if it was the one thing in the world that I have been waiting and desiring for my entire life, and I had only just received it?
What if it was someone who I really loved with all my heart?
What if it was my only son?
A son that I had waited for close to a hundred years to have?
What if I was Abraham and I was asked to ‘lose’ my son, Isaac, the one wish that I had been harbouring for the entirety of my life?
How much more distressed would I feel? How much more would I have done to try and ‘retrieve’ him? Would I not have bargained with God a little? After all, did I (Abraham) not successfully bargain with the Almighty to try and save the nation of Sodom? Why then not try and bargain for the life of my only son? Did He not promise me descendants that would number the stars? But if He would take Isaac away, how will this come to be?
And what of Sarah? She too has been waiting for his coming. She too has suffered with me. More, really, for she has to take upon herself the ignominy of being childless, a burden that, no matter how I love her, I cannot share with her?
What do I tell her? How should I tell her?
And the child. The poor child whose only fault is that he was born.
What do I tell him?
What do I tell him when he asks me where the sacrificial animals are?
What do I tell him when I have to tie him up and place him on the altar?
What do I tell him when I pick up the knife and aim straight for his heart?
And can I face him when I do so?
Can I look full into his eyes so that even in his last moments, he can know that I love him like nothing else in this world?
What will I do if he should struggle and curse me to my face?
Perhaps I will prefer that. Better that than to have an angelic face full of trust in me and in his God to provide the necessary sacrifice. Better the bitterness and hate. Better the look of the betrayed than the look of trust…
Thankfully, we all know how that story ends. God intervenes and saves Isaac. God Himself provides the sacrifice in the form of a ram.
But what if I was God the Father?
Would I give up my only Son to save all my other sons and daughters?
Will I sacrifice my Divine Son for the sake of my human sons and daughters, keeping in mind the idea of sacrifice as the exchanging of something that you do not need for something that you do?
What if I was asked to lose my only Son?
The next day, I went to the café in a last bid to retrieve the book. Thankfully, the barrista was there early to set up shop and returned the book to me. Just as with Abraham, God saw fit to return the book to me.
Jesus, on the other hand, had no such luck.
“Father, if it is your will, then let this cup of suffering pass from me. Yet let not my will but Yours be done.”
Boundless.org has so many good articles for young people! Today I spent a while reading 3 articles on singlehood-marriage. I like their honesty and relevance to so many people I know, myself included :)
1. Seven Myths Single Women Believe
2. One Single Day has some parts I quite like! Here's an excerpt:
How else can I glorify God as a marriage-minded single? By continuing to tell the truth about marriage to others, just when it is most tempting to denigrate it in order to ease my pain. By refusing to pull away from God when He does not fulfill my expectations. "Fine then," I want to say to Him. "If you won't talk about marriage to me, then I won't talk about it to You." But instead, I pour out our heart before Him.
I can glorify God by showing His outrageous love to others with deferred hopes. "They will believe us," to paraphrase Betsie ten Boom, "because we are there." I know a single woman who makes her desires a reminder to pray for a childless married friend. Another became so overcome with longing for her sister to be married that she spent nearly three days fasting and praying for her. We are uniquely equipped to practice the power of intercession: walking in the shoes of those we are praying for. Let's not waste the opportunity.
I can glorify God by recognizing His sovereignty over my love life. This does not absolve me from active participation in the pursuit of marriage; on the contrary, it enables me to release dead-end relationships with a light heart. Why? Because I am not at the mercy of any else's choices; I am in God's hands,9 looking confidently ahead to what He will do on my behalf.
Yes, rejection or unrequited love hurts, and that pain should not be downplayed. But in the midst of this genuine grieving, I do well to remember that romantic love cannot be bought, even with the coin of deserving or longing for that love.10 Ultimately, romance is a mystery. Even Solomon, with all his wisdom, included it in his list of things that were "too wonderful" for him to fully comprehend.11
I can't always explain why I do or don't fall in love with someone; how can I expect this of someone else? The good news is that regardless of its romantic potential, each relationship is an excuse for prayer. If it results in faith for someone's purity, well-being, and godliness, even a five-second crush can be a way to expand the Kingdom of God.
I can glorify God by seeking His Kingdom first,12 and marriage second. I want to pursue my own relief; He wants me to pursue others' relief. He says, "Give, and it will be given to you.13 Give to the hungry what your soul desires, and you will be like a watered garden."14
In a sense, I run away from my desires, and they run after me! Can preparing a meal for my friends take the place of doing it for a husband? Can caring for other people's kids fill the longing for children of my own? I don't think so. But if my experience is any proof, acts of service were designed, not for escape, but to bring me into contact with reality: fellowship, God's glory, and my joy. I can do these things for their own sake, and find real happiness in them, even if it is a different happiness than the one I seek.
Finally, I can glorify God by continuing to hang onto hope. Either He is the God of the too-good-to-be-true, or He isn't. If I believe that He is, and is the Rewarder of those who seek Him,15 then I have hope. But hope is not synonymous with demanding my own way. When "I am no longer comforted by God's desire for me," when "I am threatened by it because God's will potentially stands in the way of my demand,"16 that is a danger signal.
Hope is inconvenient. It is paradoxical. It can be painful. It can search my heart and motives to the very bottom. I don't ask for hope, and often I don't actually want it. What I really want is for the desire to go away, or be granted. But by His grace, I hang onto hope anyway.
I may not have the 58 years of companionship that my grandparents had. It's unlikely that I'll have the eight children my parents had, and I will never be the young mommy that I had. But as as time goes on, it grows more clear to me that while my waiting years are irreplaceable, they are not wasted. Ultimately, it's not because of some great adventures they are giving me, some great benefit to others, or some great work I am doing. It's simply by knowing His outrageous love that I'm able to take something that's happening to me against my will — and mark it "Freely given to Jesus."
When Mary anointed Jesus' feet with pure spikenard, she gave something costly, something precious to her, something irreplaceable. It was others who said "Why this waste?" To the one who gave and the One who received, it was pure joy.
He never wastes what is precious to us! Not one single day.
3. A Balanced View on Singleness
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There are so many resources out there. So if you have a question about something difficult (Boundless has a Q&A section with hard questions young people ask, and GotQuestions.org can be pretty good for many Bible questions), if you've been wanting to find out what the Bible says about something, or if you feel stuck in your spiritual growth & want to be feeding on something that points you to God, I really encourage you to begin seeking Him through these web resources which you can get so easily :) If you need recommendations, you can ask me!
It does takes a bit of time and effort, just like anything worthwhile would, but it pays to be thinking & reading about questions you have re:God!
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
It's getting late, but I can't go to sleep with these thoughts un-processed.
Today I watched The Lady with Abby :) Honestly, just before the movie I was reading its reviews (a number said it wasn't good) and began doubting my decision to watch it even though I was so excited to at first. One downside was - I know the history & the important bits about Aung San Suu Kyi already, so how interesting can the movie make it, right?
But - actually witnessing Daw Suu's journey moved me so much.
I couldn't help thinking about this: She gave up her comfort and took up a life of hardship to fight for Burma's freedom not because it was her own fancy idea, but a large part because she knew that as Aung San's daughter, she held a powerful influence no one else did. She got involved simply because a visit to her sick mom coincided with violent demonstrations & she realized she was in Burma "for such a time as this"; that she couldn't stand back while her people died, but had to step into her identity. Because her father gave his life for these people, she too chose to give her life to fulfill her father's dream.
That's much like me, isn't it. My Father gave his life to have his people set free. As his daughter, there's power when I step into my identity which bears his name. I have been placed where I am for such a time as this. Will I choose to fulfill my Father's dream, to love the people he loved?
Even if it means counting a cost?
From being a housewife to suddenly having to make a speech in front of half a million people. From life with her beloved family to living under house arrest miles apart while her husband dies. All this for her father's cause; for a love for his people.
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."
(Jesus, in Luke 14:26)
I understood this hard teaching a little more today.
Another small fear I had coming into this movie was that Aung San Suu Kyi was going to be another Erin Gruwell in terms of how she handled her marriage. I was so, so inspired after watching Freedom Writers until a friend pointed out to me that - yes, Erin Gruwell was a great teacher, but at the expense of loving her own husband. And I don't want to be like that.
Daw Suu "hated" her husband by choosing her nation over being with him. She "hated" her children enough to leave them motherless for their growing-up years. And these are the hard parts of the story to take - from an outsider's point of view, how can you sanction such choices?
But when I saw how much Aung San Suu Kyi loved her family, and when I watched the pain she went through in having to choose nation OR family, I began to understand how you can both love and yet "hate" your family to pursue a call.
Perhaps what made a crucial difference was that Daw Suu's husband shared her dream. In the times where she wondered if she was making the right choice, he constantly pointed her back to the call, even at his expense. I loved the line where in response to her doubt he said something like "Hey, remember, right from the start we shared a common dream for Burma. It's not an obstacle to us. It's what binds us even closer together."
I want to marry a husband who shares in God's call. And to be a wife who constantly points him back to the mission when it's hard. But the mission may cost me my physical life, or even my husband's and children's, and that is hard. I guess this is why the verse after Luke 14:26 is -
"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.'"
I'm sure there must have been heavy days where Aung San Suu Kyi thought about all the things she sacrificed to a point where it crippled her ability to work - thoughts like whether she and Michael would ever get reunited, or if she'd left him behind for good. There are days where I wonder whether what I've left behind will ever be re-given to me, or whether I've left it behind for good.
But I love how through the tears she picks herself up and says: "The fight must go on."
Because indeed it must.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance \o/
(Ecclesiastes 3)
This afternoon I had to go over to YIH to run an errand and decided to treat myself to Starbucks - a rare occasion, considering I don't like spending $6 on coffee. On my way there, I suddenly remembered that I could redeem my free Starbucks coffee today :D What a happy coincidence!, I thought :)
But when I reached the counter after running my errand, the lady told me very apologetically that the offer lasted only til 5pm. I was 7 minutes too late. ): I bought a coffee anyway, but couldn't help regretting the silliest things - I should have run my errand after getting coffee. I should have taken the first bus that came instead of waiting around with Marcus & Charlene. Sian... I could have saved $6.
And with that, my conversation-with-myself began ;)
1. Stewardship
I began to wrestle with the question: "How do I not be money-minded, yet steward my money well?" My nagging "I-could-have-saved-six-whole-dollars-ra
That led to: "If I'm so concerned about stewarding money well, am I stewarding other things well? How do I steward my time better? How about opportunities? Do I grab all the opportunities I have to reach out, or do I act as if they're infinite?"
I really want to be a better steward of what I've been given.
2. Gifts & grace
It surprised me a little that missing a free Starbucks could make me so annoyed. Like, I had counted the cost and was all prepared to buy it for myself anyway before I remembered about the redemption, riiiight? So I've really no basis to feel like I've been deprived of something that's 'rightfully mine'.
I realize this is something to think about if I ever feel annoyed that God took away something I'm 'entitled' to. When I choose to follow Jesus, I've counted the cost. I declared that I'd be willing to pay the price for the sole return of having a close relationship with Jesus. Along the way, He has given me good gifts - I got friends, favour, influence, and many of my own wants and dreams are fulfilled too.
But what if one day they're all taken from me? I hope I won't be angry at God and feel a sense of injustice, since all these were given to me anyway, and not mine to hold with a clenched fist! I want to have Job's perspective: "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.”
3. My principles
As I pondered #1 and #2 (haha, metathought!), I think I can say that I do live by this principle: "Always find something to learn." When met with today's frustrating situation, something deep in my heart said: "Hannah, make sure you learn a lesson from this. Since you didn't get your free coffee, you must make this experience count for something, at least!" I realize that's what I often do to make a bad experience better, and my determination to draw out truths from experiences has yielded many a life lesson.
But! While "learn something from every situation" is a good principle to have, it struck me today that there is a higher principle to live by. My highest prize cannot be knowledge - It must be my relationship with Jesus (Jer 9:23-24)! Instead of asking myself "What can I learn from this?" in every situation, perhaps a better question would be "What is God speaking to me through this?", or "So, how can I love God more?" or even "How can I love others more?"
Then I won't just be a wise person, but a person with a deep relationship with Jesus and with His heart for people.
I want that. Time for a shift in principle, and much prayer. :)
5 years ago, Abby wrote in her Christmas card to me - "my heart's desire is that you will go much, much further in your relationship with God and the interactions with His people, compared to me", and many times she's articulated her hope that I would surpass her.
I believe her prayer that her ceiling will be my floor has been answered in many ways :) Many things I do now as a person and leader were learnt from how she went all out to bless me as a cell leader & friend, and from the Christ-centered life I saw her live - with such a depth and quiet faithfulness in many areas - which I began to desire. While I can't say I've surpassed her (nor am I explicitly aiming to!), I do know that I stand on foundations which she sowed into :)
Then a few Saturdays ago, Ps Vic prayed for me & released a word over me as a leader, over my journey in this next season:
- Instead of leading from my power, I'll learn to lead from brokenness.
- I won't be known for my capability, but for my brokenness, through which Jesus' power is reflected.
- I will grow deeper in how I love. I will love the broken-hearted and understand them more, having more compassion.
He prayed for God to humble me, and spoke about a season where God would seem silent. What a hard prayer, haha. I'm still mulling over it.
Already in these few weeks, I see how some of these things have begun coming to pass. My heart has been stirred up for the poor in an unprecedented way, and I've been given so many opportunities to love them. My capability feels... gone, haha. I've found myself in tears at almost every sermon and feeling like I'm the one who needs to respond to altar call, not be the minister. Saturday's sermon about giving our best & being passionate challenged me so much - any pride I was struggling with completely fell away when I saw that God's standard is really far higher than what I thought I'd already met. I was confronted with the truth: I haven't been giving my best. What a humbling realization.
Yet some things have yet to come: These weeks have been so enjoyable because God has been speaking so specifically and dealing with things clearly, that I'm honestly dreading a season where God will seem silent. I think I understand why David's cry after he had sinned was "Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me." The thought of being far from God or not being able to sense Him close is quite terrifying. I know God won't kill me and any hard season He puts me through is because "every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful", but pruning can still be painful!
I still enjoy substantial favour with man - but I'm really aware that all of it can be taken away and I mustn't hold on to it. It's scary to think of a time where I might do something that is really wrong (worse than falling asleep in Grace's cell, or ending cell really late, both of which make me feel quite bad alr) and everyone has issues with me. But I really want to be secure in God to the point that favour with man is good but it won't be what I pursue. I think only when I live through something like this can I really be God-fearing and humble.
In the face of what is to come, I hold on to one of the last things Vic prayed over me - that through all this, I will keep overcoming. If all of the above can come to pass, I believe this will, too :D And just as I choose to face the trials, I choose to overcome too. Whether living in plenty or in want, I can do all things through Him who gives me strength :)
Actually, what kicked of this whole reflection was the huge realization that my leaders' prayers have such power. And... I myself am a leader.
That makes me ask myself very seriously: What am *I* praying for those I lead? Am I praying enough for them?
I want to learn to be an intercessor for those I lead like Moses was. This begs some study, and some time alone with God!
On Saturday at Grace's cell, I tried to throw my wallet into my bag - and missed - only to have my wallet hit a concrete ledge and fall onto the floor. I was quite shocked to find my hostel room transponder completely split in two from the impact! The inside electronic bit had fallen out some distance away, leaving an empty plastic shell hanging from my wallet.
I needed to get it replaced, but there was a charge... and this morning I found out it was $60. The temptation to lie & say "I don't really know what happened but the transponder broke" was quite great especially cos I'm now earning money and really see my $ in terms of work ($60 is 6 hours of my job!). But I made up my mind to tell the truth. While filling out an admin form while the staff examined my transponder I really felt quite sian, but I knew it was my fault.
Amazingly, when the staff handed me my fixed transponder, they told me that I didn't need to pay because the problem wasn't 'beyond repair'! :D I was thankful, yet... I really, really regretted not taking a photo of the transponder while it was broken. Haha. I mean, it was truly a sight to behold...
Sigh. The blogger in me needs to learn to let it go :p To make up for it, here's a nice photo of the fixed transponder.
But I realize my mentality - my desperation to get a photo - may speak of something bigger in my generation. We are a generation who may not believe without seeing. Perhaps we have been trained not to. What does this mean for us? What are the potential pitfalls - and opportunities - of living in such a time?
A plain loaf of bread like this costs $1.85.That's something I never had to think about before today.
But today, I had to live differently. This morning, Pastor Vic shared about how many of us Christians - me included - have focused most of our time and attention on our own growth, going for courses and meetings to learn and grow in fellowship, spending hours discipling youth within the church, and reaching out to those already in our social circles. All these are good, but Pastor Vic shared: We're still missing something.
The Bible tells the story of a rich man who goes up to Jesus and asks "What must I do to inherit eternal life?" He had kept all the commandments since he was a boy. Jesus said to him: “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
God's heart is very much for the poor; for us to care for the poor. Yet how often we have neglected them! I confess that even though I know there are poor residents just across the road from church, bringing the youth to go visit them with the intention of serving hasn't crossed my mind much in the midst of all my ministry planning. I confess that there are often times I walk past cleaners in the canteens or beggars at the MRT and ignore the niggling thought that I should stop to talk with them, or offer to treat them to a meal.
But to genuinely care for the poor, we must first have a change deep within our hearts before we jump into action, or else all that we do could be 'activities' without us truly loving the people. And so Vic challenged us youth - many of whom have no idea what it means to be poor! - to live like one of them today. We could only spend $1 to settle both lunch and dinner, and it was a longgggg day ahead. We had to think like a poor person would - not simply skip meals, but find a way to get enough energy to last!
I thought it would be easy. My plan was to just buy a loaf of bread and eat as much as I want for lunch and dinner :p But honestly, I never imagined that plain bread would cost so much! In the end, my skilful sister got a big bun from 7-eleven costing 80cents, and I split it between lunch and dinner. It was enough to eat, but nearing 11pm I really felt the loss in energy. I know that if I had to do this for the next few days, I would really be uncomfortable and miserable.
I'm now back home and comfortable, and I've succumbed to cup noodles. But I'm definitely seeing things through different eyes - my first question when I pondered whether to eat the noodles or not was "how much does this cost?" And I know that if I strictly limited my budget to $1 or even $2 for today, this is a luxury.
The little exercise gave me only a tiny glimpse into what it feels like to be poor. So many times today, Grandpa Zhou came to mind! I really pray that for the whole group of us, today's experience will have softened our hearts at least a tiny bit more, and we won't forget the poor as easily as we often do.
1 John 3:17 “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?”
I really, really want to grow in compassion. And it scares me that I feel so reluctant to do even simple things that I know will help me grow in this area: Talk to the cleaners in my school, stop for a beggar at the MRT to ask if I can buy him/her a meal, take a walk in the poorer flats near church and just talk to the residents. Even try something crazy - like spend a day selling tissue paper for $1, or spend my uni holidays working in a lowly job (like La chose to do last year, when she worked at a petrol station!).Why am I so reluctant to do these? My immediate responses are "I'm too tired to really execute these plans", "I have no time", "It's so scary". But since when was loving easy?
Luke 14:12-14 "Then Jesus said to his host, ‘When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.’"
My crazy dream is that one day, I'll be able to have a birthday party where I invite my poor, crippled, lame and blind friends. But first, I must actually have some to speak of...God, please change my ♥.
"Bible study without Bible experience is pointless." - Bill Johnson
Recently, I've been reminded by various people that the quote above is listed under my "Favourite quotations" on Facebook. Haha. I must admit I haven't given it as much thought as a favourite quote deserves. But today, the implication of that line struck me.
I've come to see the Bible as a journal of sorts, with entries by various people who have experienced God throughout the generations. I used to think that because we called it "God's word", the whole book was just a record of what God has said and nothing more. Yes, there are direct words from God in it - like His law, the messages he gives to people to proclaim, Jesus' words - and within the pages of the Bible God has woven an overarching message that He wants to say to us.
But what strikes me is that this story has 2 main characters: God PLUS people. The Bible shows us how God relates with His people over time. There are records of what God has done among His people (history books, gospels), responses flowing from man's relationships with God (poetry/writing books), and letters - which got included in the Bible because they were written by people who have all experienced God and want to talk about Him.
So when I study the Bible, I'm looking at relationships between God & people. From reading about how different people have experienced the same God, I gain an idea of who God is, and who we are. 1 Sam 3:21 says that God "revealed himself to Samuel through his word." The aim of Bible study, then, is not to know a text very well, but to know a person better. (Just like how I'd read a friend's blog to know her better, NOT because I aim to be an expert in analyzing her posts).
Bible study is key because without knowing what God has said & done - without knowing what God is like - I won't know how to relate to Him. Study is important, but 'successful study' cannot be an end in itself! Relating rightly with God in a relationship we both enjoy is the end.
I think that's where 'Bible experience' comes in. If the Bible is about a living God who encounters people, then I don't just want to live hearing and talking about other people's experiences with Him! If He is a God that stays the same yesterday, today & forever, and a central theme of the Bible is that God desires to be in relationship with men, then it follows that God still desires to relate with us as personally as He did with the people of the Bible. What he had in mind isn't for me just to read & meditate on what people of old experienced of God, but to also "Taste and see that the LORD is good" for myself, now.
I made this picture for my JC cluster youth and told them the account in Exodus 20 of how the people chose not to draw near to God (perhaps they weren't hungry for intimacy with God enough to renounce their sins and be able to approach God). In the end it was only Moses who God spoke to "face to face, as a man speaks with his friend" (Ex 33:11). Everyone else had a rather second-hand experience of God; Moses was their middleman.
I don't think God's intention was for us to have 2nd-hand, distant relationships with Him. All throughout the Bible the narrative is about God wanting to draw near - giving man laws so we know how to relate to Him, coming down as a human, tearing the veil between us so we can approach Him directly, and sending the Holy Spirit to dwell in us. He didn't intend pastors to do the 'talking to God' for me and to relay God's message to me in a weekly sermon. He didn't intend for my faith to be built solely through hearing about my friends' experiences with God. These are good, but are still 'spiritual milk' - processed through someone else's digestive system before being given to me - and will only nourish me up to a point.
From hearing the longings of my own soul, I believe we were created for intimacy with God. Yet, drawing near to God comes at a price. I cannot come into God's presence if I have any sin in me (I'd be struck dead); I cannot relate rightly to Him if I am still on the throne of my life. Relationship with God is based on love, but is nonetheless governed by a set of laws (like any other relationship!). Like impure gold wanting to be purified, I have to allow, even ASK, God to melt me through excruciating heat, to pick out the impurities - a process where I have to lay down my pride, my hopes, my plans - and to transform me with His touch before what emerges is pleasing to Him. These are scary things to pray - "God, put me through anything that I need to go through so that I can really enjoy intimacy with You." "Reveal the deepest things in my heart and remove the parts that are offensive to You."
I prayed something similar a week ago; now I feel as if I'm waiting on my toes for calamity to come. Haha.
Today I asked myself, will calamity necessarily come? Do people only know God through trouble? My answer for now is that History seems to say yes.
Only after Job went through the crazy trouble that came to him could he say - "I admit I once lived by rumors of you; (but) now I have it all firsthand — from my own eyes and ears!" (Job 42)
Only after David had to run from the armies trying to kill him did he know for sure that God hears his cry for mercy and is his strength, that God would "cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart" (Psalms 28 & 91).
Only after Paul experienced hardship and need could he declare that God's grace was sufficient for him, and speak as one who experienced God's power and provision so personally (2 Cor 12).
The list could go on. Sometimes we get envious that David, Job, Peter or Paul had these close encounters with God that we don't seem to have now, but we forget that they also went through trials and suffering waaaay above what we're prepared to face now! So if I'm serious about "Bible experience" and want that degree of intimacy, I must be ready to go through the level of trial that these people all went through too.
It seemed rather jarring to me at first that we can know God fully & closely only after going through hardship ("Why must it be hard?" "Isn't God good?"), but now it makes perfect sense. In future I bet I'd only fully love and appreciate my husband when hardship comes and our characters are tested & proven; when I am fully dependent and have to trust him. Through trials, commitments and convictions are strengthened (how can a statement like "Even if I have to give up everything, I will follow you" or "I will obey even when it's hard" be a true conviction if it's only based on hypothetical situations?). Through trials, the heart is revealed and I am confronted by attitudes I never knew I had, and decisions I never knew I had to make. Only when gold/silver is put through the fire can it be refined - so if that's what it takes, I'm willing.
It's crazy to "consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds". And it would be an utterly foolish thing for anyone to do - except if there is a prize at the end of it.
So - and this is to remind myself, more than anything else - this is why I do it: My prize is to relate rightly with God, under a covenant where both of us enjoy each other. And that, simply put, is true Christianity.
Our call is to die to self-centredness so that we can live in close relationship with God:
"Then [Jesus] said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
And all this because God is King yet Jesus first denied himself to love us.
Haha. I feel like I made much ado about nothing.
Actually it's very simple right. Just love God, obey God, love his people. Humble myself and make Him Lord. Remember His love and listen for His voice. Persevere in all of the above through trials.
Haha.
I wanna know God.
Meet Grandpa Zhou.
If you like that, you may want to go on to read Part 2: Macaroni & Cheese and Part 3: Transformed.
And this here is my love story. :)
(credits: Zephaniah 3:17)
It's so timely: Just when I've begun thinking about solitude and meditation - by this, I mean the discipline of taking time out to be alone; to speak with & listen to God - I get a reading for one of my modules that shows me exactly what I'm up against.The 3 chapters - "Always On", "Growing Up Tethered" & "No Need To Call" - are from Sherry Turkle's book Alone Together. Just from the titles, you can guess that it's a book about our incredible connectivity... and its effects. The whole thing's interesting! But I've put together these excerpts that were especially thought-provoking. Emphasis mine:
I talk with a group of lawyers who all insist that their work would be impossible without their "cells" - that nearly universal shorthand for the smartphones of today that have pretty much the functionality of desktop computers and more. The lawyers insist that they are more productive and that their mobile devices "liberate" them to work from home and to travel with their families. The women, in particular, stress that the networked life makes it possible for them to keep their jobs and spend time with their children. Yet, they also say that their mobile devices eat away at their time to think. One says, "I don't have enough time alone with my mind." Others say, "I have to struggle to make time to think."
Today's adolescents have no less need than those of previous generations to learn emphatic skills, to think about their values and identity, and to manage and express feelings. They need time to discover themselves, time to think. But technology, put in the service of always-on communication and telegraphic speed and brevity, has changed the rules of engagement with all of this. When is downtime, when is stillness? The text-driven world of rapid response does not make self-reflection impossible but does little to cultivate it.
Increasingly, people feel as though they must have a reason for taking time alone, a reason not to be available for calls (Hannah's note: or texts...). Mixed feelings about the drumbeat of electronic communication do not suggest any lack of affection toward those with whom we are in touch. But a stream of messages makes it impossible to find moments of solitude, time when other people are showing us neither dependency nor affection. In solitude we don't reject the world but have the space to think our own thoughts. But if your phone is always with you, seeking solitude can look suspiciously like hiding.
We fill our days with ongoing connection, denying ourselves time to think and dream.
I empathised with this so much! I am almost always busying myself - whipping out my phone to reply to texts/whatsapp at bus stops, checking email & twitter when queueing at the canteen - because I tell myself "Hannah, don't waste any time." The concept of 'solitude' to me had become just that: An 'inefficient' use of my time. Now my mindset has changed, but my actions are taking a little longer to adjust. I've found that if I'm not absolutely brutal on myself about setting aside "solitude time", these 8 simple words are surprisingly difficult for me to act on: "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)
These next excerpts have a slightly different focus - they talk not about communicative technology's impact on our time to think, but just about our lack of 'aloneness'. ( Read more... )
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